a new sickness

there's a new pit in my stomach. one that's gnawing and clawing away at my insides. there's a new pit in my stomach. and i'm fighting it and pushing it down but it comes rearing back stronger every single time. there's a new pit in my stomach. one that's burning and churning and telling me it needs to make its way up my throat if i'd only let it.......but i'll never let it.

officially official

so i laid there with him wishing he was you and telling myself, "this means something. the fact that i wish he was you means something." so i pushed him aside and i made room for you and my gut was telling me that you were every kind of wrong there could be in the dictionary but my heart was telling me to just listen, for once, and do what i want. the only problem with this is that as per usual, i don't know what i want. so i'm sitting here running through every scenario in which you could hurt me...refusing to acknowledge the fact that in all honesty - you already have.